A distant canary...

One day, near the window sill of my bedroom, I saw this yellow canary chirping tentatively.  A small young one, seemed to be lost.   I opened the window, and it flew in.  It build a nice little nest - warm and cozy, against the winter rains and cool during the summer.  

Everyday, it would chirp, bringing hope to a routine human life - joy of freedom,  wantonly ecstatic, bundle of vivaciousness.   It become part of my life- small, but significant.  

One morning, it had flown out of the open window as usual.   It did not come back ever again. One week later, the empty nest remained, at that.  The nest remained as long as I was there.

I moved out of this city and the nest, mostly removed, by the new occupiers of my older abode.

Then while ago, I watched this movie - The Canary ( 2010)...a story of an emotional roller coaster of an young, deaf girl living in the Scottish wilderness shaken by the arrival of an unexpected stranger...a small blip appeared on my rear view mirror- of the yellow and black canary and the nest.

One of my friends, a colleague - lives in this desert city - now consumed by cement and its wilderness replaced by urban chaos, sent me a photograph of his pet, almost incidentally at the same time. 

He is moving back to pursue his passion in photography - will fly past me to the Indian capital for a brief while.  He said he intends to give up his pet - donate it to a bird park in this desert-city before he leaves.  Another story of a canary becoming distant...

So,thinking as I drive, down another bend of the road, the rear view mirror throws up a different scene, and the canary becomes a distant view - smaller as ever.   May be I will see the canary again... on my window sill..

The curious case of Arowana... ' the blackfish is missing'

Life is a rat race these days... 730 - hit the dirt, 2200 back at home.  Most of it goes in travel.   Can't remember much so different between each of these days.  

One of these mornings, last week, my friend and I  landed up in a small restaurant.  An aquarium tank - was usual. Fish inside it -was usual.  Arowana - now that was unusual.

Arowana are bony fish found in the tropics.  Look deadly, that people sell it as the evil-eye fish, vaasthu fish.   Guys are fierce ones,  adults are 2-3 feet long, so only one fits in a medium size aquarium.   Some of the smaller fish could co-exist,  but Arowana decides the fate.

On that morning, cutting chai and a small vada- pav was consumed at leisurely pace, watching the Arowana swim around. He swam contented, but we always felt something was about to happen.  There were couple of fish - one, a type of frog fish, and another black - angel fish types, can't place it.

The frog fish, clutching the sand below, lied low, and the black fish could not swim freely - whenever the Arowana turned in its direction, this guy ducked to hide - under the air feeder or dove to depth.

Suddenly, in one turn, the Arowana spewed a few fins out - remnants of a digested fish, perhaps.   We asked the hotel employee - he said that there were about 20 live fish in its tank, three mornings ago. 

'Arowana ate only live fish' he said.   'The black-fish was the last of the lot.  The frog fish was from an earlier group, but still has managed to survive.'

We were, somewhere inside, shaken. My friend, too confirmed that.  Did not have a good feeling.   We went after our morning office chores.  

About 2 pm, I had lunch and started to work on something else.  Arowana, blackfish all forgotten.   Then a short-text popped in my blackberry- from my friend, saying  'the blackfish is missing'.   I could not recollect, and responded later ' what the heck are you talking about'; he messaged me back - ' the aquarium'.  

The same chill, we had felt in the morning,  returned.   I was silent.  Thinking more about it, I felt that the situation threw up life in its different perspectives.

The hotelier - probably fed live fish to Arowana - and more than, kept that fish - more to get some customers, than to ward off evil.    Making life by taking lives?  Or was it making business sense?

The customer - comes and returns again to watch the fun - feeding the crass curiosity of  the prey-predator duel?  

The Arowana - becomes a show, while living its natural life and character?  Wrong place? 

The black-fish - did it have better chances of survival in an ocean than it had to lead a life of fear and struggle to die?  

The frog-fish - still clutching the floor, lying low - escaping the eyes of Arowana... he survived beyond the Arowana's lunch...

Who is right and who is wrong?   What is right and what is wrong?  Or is it the way life is?  Well... life goes on... the Arowana still swims, the frog-fish is still on the floor,  the customers come, the hoteliers make the money, but the blackfish is missing!!!

Corruption- our bit...

Corruption - our bit ...

by Ashok Subramanian on Saturday, April 9, 2011 at 1:39pm

A small spark started by Anna Hazare becomes a thousand... thousands become thousand small actions... when these actions become consistent- a way of life. This way of life becomes a culture...a culture against corruption.

Three things that you can do from now:

1. Vote and vote for a corrupt free and criminal free representation in the assembly and parliament. This is where you can cut the umbilical cord of corruption.


2. Think hard before you participate in the next opportunity to be corrupt - be individually. Deny that other person of that opportunity. Be patient and dont jump queues.
The last time, when I was stopped by a cop, I paid 1500 for multiple traffic offenses, and got a receipt. I had an alternate way - pay 200 Rs as a cut and get away. I DID NOT.   I did feel about needing to  pay more, but I am now proud about that action today.

3. Teach your kids to obey rules - beating the rules, beating the system creates opportunities for paying the cut- starting from carrying papers, following traffic rules... deny that traffic cop an opportunity to make money. 
More can be told, but these are simple but difficult things that can be followed.  I do have flaws, but as they say, a small spark...

Crabs and Cricket...

Somebody told me that we, Indians, have crab mentality.   Crabs, if left in a bucket, pull another down, when one tries to climb out of the bucket.

As a community we feel guilty about being passionate about anything.   We are too self critical.   Why cant we just let our emotions and belief go the full distance?

Like some countries like football, we like cricket. We have a history, and so be it!  After all, we are passionate people about sports... let us not be defensive about it!

People say cricket is a lazy support. Well, try playing a 5 day match - you will realize that this is tougher than an ultra marathon.   That is 35 hours of baking in the sun!   If you take half of it- for one team - 17 hours of standing idle, then running, thinking, hitting, being hit, diving etc., make the sport even tougher to play.

Imagine sprinting behind a ball or running in short burst in those 22 yards!  With all those protective gear ! With heightened competition, one has to sprint and dive to save runs and take catches.

Imagine being nerve-wrecked for almost 7 hours in an one-day international, or for 3 hours for a twenty-20.  
To excel in one subject, they say is specialization.    After the 2007 world cup debacle, this team has become worked hard and smart, to become No 1 in tests, won away-victories, defended at home successfully, won the Twenty-20 world cup, and is the finals of the ODI world cup again.  This is a phenomenal achievement of a specialization - of a generation that has feared nothing, but enjoys the sport it plays.

As a nation, we should be proud of it.  We have reached the  near-summit, the glory is in the wings!  This calls for celebration - the spirits shall flow!

But for those nay-sayers, if -of all people, Indians dont wish for India's victory, who else will!!! We believe that Dhoni, Tendi and co are as committed as any other sportsperson.

Our wishes and prayers for the Indian cricket team! Nothing else matters!  We want them give 100% and we BELIEVE them!!! Go-India-Go!!!

At the cross roads...

I read in a calendar today ' If you cant run ahead of someone, run in a different direction'.  Well, it kind of means what I am going through these days.   That someone sometimes is myself.

At the cross roads, looking for a new direction, I scan the horizon for answers.  The decision to take a road will have implications of the new and far future. 

When one looks back at the cross roads he/she has crossed and the directions have been taken,  a realization sometimes a twinge of guilt, and a can-I-bring-that-decision-back or If-I-were-to-decide-again-can-I-change feeling happens - a lump in our throat, and a deep sigh follows.  

From my school days to where I am now, my journey has taken twists and turns that I have not entirely expected.   To the chance to board a plane to US vs to manage a project in the North-East in 1998,  or to settle in South-East Asia vs back to Chennai in 2005, the decisions on job roles or the places to live have had a 'comfort' factor established at that point in time.

I sometimes feel that I should have decided otherwise.  As more years pass, and the journey of life covers more miles, the child in me-the one who wishes to explore and advent different peoples, places, cuisine and culture is becoming more forceful than mellowing down to adulthood.

My significant other may feel that this man is crazy, but one realizes the beauty of the journey called life through experience.  So, why not explore, till one can.   Run the unexplored roads, visit new places.

Here is the tougher part - but I will answer first before I throw the question.  

A 55 year old runner took his 87-old father to run an iron-man.  His father said ' son, for you, I will'.  Both completed.   The passers-by and the onlookers applauded for hours with tears in their eyes.   Why? 

The father was a quadriplegic and had to have neck support and was in a wheel chair. The son took his father in a life raft for the swimming part,  then on a specially designed cycle for the cycling bit and a wheel chair for the marathon.

Sometimes goals, challenges are very personal.   If your near and dear realize the dream that you see and the direction you take, when you are at the cross roads - they will definitely run along, won't they?

At the starting line of life again - 2009...

Well, I discovered few things in this one year.  And oh boy, what a journey it has been in the last 18 months.

Some background before what changed my life.  

I had thrown my entire weight around my job and career.   I am not a natually aggressive person.  

But since 2002, when I made my move from being an engineer to sales and pre-sales, thought I would really leverage on my three assets - a flair for quick learning and  understanding, ability to connect with people, and the gift of the gab, to be successful.

Since 2002 till 2009,  I had given everything, I mean, everything to the work I performed at office.  I admit, I liked fancy titles, travelling, and meeting people.   The journey was exciting, and heady- the higher I went, the more intoxicated I became.

What suffered - my fitness, my focus on personal finance and family.  

I will touch upon each of these in separate detail in subsequent blogs.   But net-net, it was something I discovered when my all-or-nothing approach in Jan-March quarter of 2009, succeeded partially and  inevitably, as I realized in hindset, there were fallouts.   

Numbers done, but behind me were burnt bridges, heavy heart.   I sunk within the immense feelings of despair and loneliness.  Victory was forgotten, only bitter taste remained.

In toto, the fallout meant that I had to restart again.   New role, new outlook.  In 2009, at 34 years, I was born - again.

Few things I realized, I would correct forever -

1. Never take a business decision alone.  Remember, you are working for others, when you are in a job.   There exists a larger organization.  You have to take that organization along.
2. Never trust verbal approvals, take them in writing.   Sometimes, they become legal material.
3. Over aggression in sales leads to overzealous commitments - you think you are right at the moment, but that is a castle in air.   Build deals with strong business fundamentals.  What organizations need are health business, not quick deals.
4. All-or-nothing is like a sprint.  If you win, it is great and heady; if you lose, it can sink you.  It is better to run a slow marathon, and finish.  
5. Learn to accept failure.   Success at all costs is not worth it.  Be practical. 
6. Life is much more than work.    Life, like business has multiple pillars.  Each of these pillar has to be built strongly.  Otherwise, it will be a one-trick pony.
7. Sometimes, you think that you can always count on your boss, but it is always better to have a larger organization into confidence.
8. It is good to have Plan B's.  It goes back to the adage ' dont put all eggs in one basket'.
9. Personal finance, fitness and family, the three 'F's are the other pillars of life.  Focus in equality.
10. Give it back to your team - spend time with them apart from discussing business affairs.  Build friendships.Your experience and perspective, without sounding as advice, is a key input their decisions.

These realizations, and a few other threads, led me to my midlife birth again.

• I needed to connect back to people - outside work.  For example, I could not connect with a person outside work when I visit a city.  
• I needed my great family back;  they had been waiting for the last 7 years.  I gave family 'time windows', but did not realize that I became an outsider, a paying guest at my won house.
• After all my focus on career, it was sad to note that my personal investments were next to nothing; and I was chasing credit card bills.   I still do, but have improved in the last two years.

Wow, wow... that is a lot of time to be lost in life.   Never can it be gained back.   But the realization was hard earned.  Could not lose it, never.   So, two steps. Self- pardon and plan.  

Connect the dots.   Make the list.   Dwelve into the details.   Make the beginning, the first step.   The journey starts.   I am born again.   At 34, after so many years, another Ashok is born.

1. Fitness - start doing things you like.   Be fit.   Stress free.  Do something with passion, vengeance.  Need a sink to empty emotions. So was born, RUNNING.  
2. Finance - Save, Invest, Track.   Plan your retirement, and child's future - education!  Invest your life to work for 20 years. Quit at 55.  Be happy with this plan.  More you need, it becomes greed. 
3. Family - Spend time, explore, argue,  play - enjoy time. 

I called this 20 year plan as 35-55.  There could be additions, reviews, changes, but the base of the rest of my life is now planned. 

Now, a few other points -

• I always liked chat and blogs - the 90's tools for people to communicate over the Internet.   This last one year, after a long break since 2008, I entered the world of Internet.  Socially active, if that is what it is on FACEBOOK.
• I took to sporadic running since 2008, and it is 3 years now. But during the last one year,  have run more than my entire life, and felt fit and confident.   Now belong to 900 or lesser crowd in a population of 6 million, called CHENNAI RUNNERS.
• Also was born my social work-out relationships through DAILYMILE.
• Taking my family along during my fitness journey is also key.
• My tummy has been popping after lot of culinary and spirited endeavors; now guy prefers less spicy and craves for a flater disposition than it was.
• Planning of finance, have completed for my kid's edu plan and retirement, has been completed.   Still trailing on few counts, but should close all outstandings this year.
• Holidays - holidays - spend time with family , twice a year.   More time with parents.  

Well,  this is a journey, and it has began. Here was a starting line to run the marathon called the 'rest of my life.  'As I look back, as I keep running,  it is the most cherished part of my life - post my childhood and college years.

I have discovered passion and purpose in my life.   It can go only positive from here... and therefore I continue to run.

Runner - Aham Aasmi

Can we say - I exist - Aham Aasmi - is egocentric?  Or it is a fact?

Because I exist, the world exists
If I cease to exist, the world ceases to exist.
The world is a window of consciousness in a journey called life...
All that exists within that window- material,events,relationships
Since I chose to be in a business, I need a customer
there is a road, because I chose to run...
since I chose to breathe, there is oxygen...
Before the window closes - permanently.
Everything around me has a purpose to me

I cant change my past, I cant predict my future,
So I exist, here and now ...
I can create my life, this I can surely do

that is a road called my life! and I will run!